Anti-Anxiety Pills

Yesterday was one of those days I needed an Anti-Anxiety Pill. I take, either, Clonazepam or Trazodone depending on how bad the symptoms are.

I haven’t had to take either of them in a while because I’ve been pretty good are keeping the emotions in check and knowing when to get out of a bad situation. I just don’t know what came over me yesterday. Nothing bad was happening.

All that was going on was having the plumber over to fix the sink and the basement. Was I worrying over the bill? That he couldn’t fix it and we were going to be continually screwed? All possibilities. How they directly effected my anxiety I’m not entirely sure. But what I do know is that I got my butt thoroughly kicked yesterday.

After taking the pill and the plumber left I passed out for FOUR HOURS. Wasn’t exactly on my plan for the day but with the attack and the pill I was completely wiped. I hate episodes that are just so body draining there’s nothing left to me.  I feel like it leaves me useless for the rest of the day if not into the next twenty-four hours or so. The migraines that sometimes follow are no laughing matter, either. Thankfully I managed to by pass that this time.

That was my Friday.

How are you Anxiety days? Anything similiar?

Writing A Book

I apologize for not being around to much the last week or so.

Things have been a little nuts around here. Our dishwasher doesn’t work. Our kitchen sink has also stopped working. I’m working on reading The Lovely Reckless by Kami Garcia for review. We’ve gotten SEVERAL days of bad weather, yesterday having been the worst of yet, but we got VERY lucky unlike some other counties around us. Life has been a whirl wind!

That being said while I have three book ideas started I finally have a fourth that might be one I can take to completion if the idea sticks with me. I just need to keep making notes. Essentially it’s going to start real life experiences I’ve been through and then lead out into another story. Hopefully I can do it flawlessly so we shall see. It will be YA and it will be contemporary. Not something I saw myself writing but if I can do it well I will, hopefully, be on the right track and it’s the right inspiration to really get me going.

Maybe it’ll be the inspiration to be the writing career boost I needed. So I’m going to continue working on it, IN SECRET, the best I can. IN SECRET being I really don’t want my family to know about it until it’s a DONE project. I don’t want them to read it or know about it because it will have real life experiences in it, all under fake names, I will have another name as my author name (I hate my birth certificate name), and so forth. I’m not putting them in a bad light, I just don’t want criticism from them specifically. From everyone else, fine I can take that, them not so much. Because they WILL want me to change it which will make me lose my drive to continue the story and I can’t afford that. That’s not what the creative process is about.

I won’t let anyone silence me. I’m not hurting anyone.

So that’s the lately update. Look for a review soon about Kami Garcia’s newest book which is out in October!

Nevernight by Jay Kristoff

Synopsis: In a land where three suns almost never set, a fledgling killer joins a school of assassins, seeking vengeance against the powers who destroyed her family.

Daughter of an executed traitor, Mia Corvere is barely able to escape her father’s failed rebellion with her life. Alone and friendless, she hides in a city built from the bones of a dead god, hunted by the Senate and her father’s former comrades. But her gift for speaking with the shadows leads her to the door of a retired killer, and a future she never imagined.

Now, a sixteen year old Mia is apprenticed to the deadliest flock of assassins in the entire Republic ― the Red Church. Treachery and trials await her with the Church’s halls, and to fail is to die. But if she survives to initiation, Mia will be inducted among the chosen of the Lady of Blessed Murder, and one step closer to the only thing she desires.


I LOVE Jay Kristoff books. He’s also a VERY kind man. I met him a few times at Bookcon Chicago 2016. He responds so well and so kindly on Twitter (@misterkristoff).

I posted this book because it’s very different from what people mostly know him from which is his continuing Illuminae series. Gemina is due out later this year or early next, I believe. Ah! October 18th, 2016 to be exact! However, I bring you this book because it’s a much different book than that series. It’s high fantasy with a dark under tone of, as it says, REVENGE looming over head. Something that caught my attention very quickly.

I love YA and the some what romance types but I love a good revenge story as well. So if this book brings you the excited feels as it does me, please click on the book above and pre-order it as soon as you can!

Summer Time

I’ve noticed, for me, the summer time can be easiest and the hardest time of the year when it comes to Anxiety and Depression.

The reasons being:

  • Distance from my friends
  • Lack of Job which meant no money
  • Inability to Drive

I believe that’s where my love for reading really came in handy for me. My family moved to my tiny northern IL town in Spring of ’06. I didn’t have much going on. I was never really a reader in my youth. TV was getting repetitive. I had no money to go out and do vacations.

So then a friend suggested Twilight by Stephenie Meyer and Moon Called by Patricia Briggs. Both of which I devoured in days. From there I was hooked and I was reading any time I could afford it. I would baby sit a friend’s kid, get $20-30 and I’d ask to go to Borders (*cry*) and I’d get the next couple books of each series. Then I branched out.

From there I’d read any time I got the chance. I still can’t drive and my friends are at a distance, and I’m still looking for work but in all of my trying to get my life together while exhausted, I read. A lot. It drives people nuts but it’s how I like to spend my Summers. Inside or out. On dry land or at my friends lake house on their boat. I read. Or try to when there’s no noise.

But even in all of that, it’s very easy to become isolated. Sitting out in the sun to soak up those rays really do help elevate the mood but it’s nothing compared to interaction with friends. And I know you know this. So while your nose is stuck in a book this summer, please get out there and do your book shopping or hanging out in book stores WITH FRIENDS. They truly make all the difference. If the tragedies of this weekend in Orlando show you anything, life can be snuffed out very easily. To quickly. So hang out with your friends, tell them you love them. Go on a road trip. Raid book stores in different cities or states. Travel to book or movie filming sites. Something!

Don’t let that Anxiety and Depression beat you! Don’t let life pass you by! But still, bring a book or two in a bag with you, naturally. 😉

Love is Love is Love

I thought, perhaps, after the passing of Christina Grimmie that maybe that would be the last somber post I’d have to do for a while. I know it’s my first but I’d hoped it would be my last for a good while.

The loss of life in Orlando is a loss for the LGBTQIA community as a whole.

I have quite a few gay friends of both genders and I can not pretend to remotely understand what it must like to be them in the harshest moments. What their thoughts must be in the heat of hate. Inability to be married to the ones they love before the last few years. To be told they can’t make medical decisions for their partners because their relationships are not recognized by the law or medical boards before recently. Now, thanks to a hater they could be afraid to just be who they are in fear of being killed.

What happened in Orlando should never have happened.

Sandy Hook never should have happened.

This isn’t about taking your right to bear arms. It’s about them being in the right hands of the right, mentally abled, specifically trained humans only to be used when immanent danger is present. When they’re hunting in the protection of the forest with vests and away from civilians. Or if they’re in the armed forces. I am comfortable with the right for concealed carry if you’re a careful gun owner.

But these people who are randomly getting fire arms and knives with the intention to hurt someone specifically or a group of someone’s has to be stopped. Or a screening process more than a background check has to be done.

So please, as your friend and someone who is becoming fearful to leave the house to go to the store, email your president. Email your state reps. Sign petitions. Make your town a safer place by making it mandatory that guns get stricter laws.

Something has to happen. More lives don’t need to be lost. Of any color. Any gender. Or of any orientation. No. More. Death.


(C) photo to Lisa Frank Inc

Girl Last Seen by Heather Anastasiu & Anne Greenwood Brown

So after my last post, how about some good book reading fun!? This amazing book is on sale for for Kindle for $1.99. Just click on the photo above and you’ll be taken right to the Amazon page!

Girl Last Seen is a book I received at Bookcon 2016 in Chicago. I went with my BFF, Lindsey, and while she was in a panel both Heather and Anne were giving away this amazing book for free with autographs! Naturally I got two, one for Linds, one for myself both personalized.

Girl Last Seen synopsis: Kadence Mulligan’s star was rising. She and her best friend, Lauren DeSanto, watched their songs go viral on YouTube, then she launched a solo career when a nasty throat infection paralyzed Lauren’s vocal chords. Everyone knows Lauren and Kadence had a major falling-out over Kady’s boyfriend. But Lauren knows how deceptive Kadence could be sometimes. And nobody believes Lauren when she claims she had nothing to do with the disappearance. Or the blood evidence… As the town and local media condemns Lauren, she realizes the only way to clear her name is to discover the truth herself. Lauren slowly unravels the twisted life of Kadence Mulligan and sees that there was more to her than she ever knew. But will she realize she’s unknowingly playing a part in an elaborate game to cover up a crime before it’s too late?

It’s an AMAZING read so far so when I saw it on sale for Kindle I had to grab it myself! When I finish you’ll, for sure, get a big spoiler-free review!

Happy Reading!

Christina Grimmie

Where do I even begin to talk about the evil in the world?

How does one get the idea to shoot someone? Let alone someone so young and talented? Where does anyone think that killing someone is the answer for.. anything?

Did I watch the Voice? No. I’m not into the type of Reality Shows. But after hearing about her passing and seeing her following I did catch some of her covers on Twitter and Youtube. With her fans I have to agree that she is a talent that the world was waiting for and will truly, epically be missed because some yahoo was granted not one but TWO guns and a knife and took her 22 year old life.

Thank the heavens that be that he brother reacted so quickly and took the assailant down to keep her fans from ending up on the wrong end of a bullet as well.

I bring more attention to this because I know that many have known the pain and hurt of murder. Whether it be by the hands of a stranger or someone they knew, by gun or other wise. And while the entertainment world mourns the loss of miss Grimmie, she leaves behind a piece of advice that struck me, even if I am not a religious person, that I think she’d like passed on to others in the stead of her death:

“Sometimes God allows terrible things to happen in your life and you don’t know why. But that doesn’t mean you should stop trusting Him.” ~Christina Grimme

What she says here is basically, so much wrong can go on but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t a purpose of good behind it. Sudden and seemingly unnecessary death doesn’t ever makes sense. But you never know what the other end of the fall out was or will be. We can only hope that Christina’s untimely end has some higher purpose even if it is truly devastating.

She is being mourned and this loss is a wound that may never close.

RIP Christina Grimmie.

I’m sorry you were taken so young. Hopefully, it means your purpose was completed here even if you had so much more love and talent left to give. You and your family are in my thoughts.

RUN by Kody Keplinger

Ok, seriously!? Who else is excited for this freaking book!? I LOVE Kody Keplinger.

Now, I HATE contemporary books. Sarah Dessen and K.K. have been the only two I can say with out a doubt that I LOVE. I’m not into real life situational books. I love paranormal fantasy type. Out of the world. The closest I get to real life stuff is murder and mayhem type. Even then it’s kind of a stretch because it’s books like the Asylum series by Madeleine Roux.

But anything I’ve read by Kody, while it’s real life situations, just speaks to me on a whole other level because her characters are not boring. They have real problems I’ve seen myself in. The DUFF, for example, as I AM the DUFF of my friends. (They’ll say other wise but yeah… Lol) It’s like Kody has seen pieces of my life and written about them. Minus some tragic parts that don’t need to be written about. Erf.

If you have the chance, PLEASE buy her book before it comes out at the end of June! Get her pre-orders up and become a fan of hers!

*Psst! Click the photo and it’ll take you to Amazon to order it! 😉 *

Guest Blogger!

I’m SO excited to introduce my first guest blogger, E. Rachael Hardcastle!

She is dispensing a wonderful piece on Depression and Anxiety, about her own experiences and what did and didn’t work for her. She’s also an author and at the end of the piece will be her contact information and where to find her E-Books.

I read through this and I can’t believe the words coming from this woman. Especially after the post I just put up, myself, moments ago. This is advice I do plan to take for myself. So with out further ado, here is E. Rachael Hardcastle!

The Anxious Writer

By E. Rachael Hardcastle

How Anxiety Makes Me Feel

Anxiety isn’t only about panic attacks, trembling fingers, sickness and exhaustion. Sure, from the outside it may look that way, but on the inside it’s deeper, complex and terrifying.

We all suffer occasionally with anxiety. It’s a natural human reaction. Exams, driving tests and first dates are a good example of triggers, but these are short term and usually end with the wonderful feeling of relief. Then we’re embarrassed. Why was I so worried?

For someone with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, there is no such sensation. Worries and fears continue to weigh on our minds, forcing pressure on the scales constantly with no relief. Our minds are already crowded enough and for an introvert, it’s difficult to tell someone else how we’re feeling and expect them to understand. If we tried to explain everything at once, we’d sound crazy. If we told them day-to-day, we’d get on their nerves. Soon the fear and the pressure of trying so hard to deal with this alone expands and builds until…BOOM! We just can’t take it anymore. We want to curl into a ball at the back of a dark room, alone and ashamed until sleep rescues us. Sound familiar?

What Can I Do To Help Myself?

Here are my top five tried and tested tips to help ease anxiety without medication.

  • Write

I’m an indie author. I write post-apocalyptic and fantasy novels. When reality gets too much, I escape to the realms of my creations where I’m in complete control and master of my universe. I pack all my energy and emotion into my stories, meaning whilst my readers are entertained, I get free therapy. Of course, you can write a journal entry or a poem. Go with your tastes and passions. Remember that whatever you write can be private and for your eyes only.

  • Listen & Meditate.

The problem with anxiety is the vicious cycle of negative thoughts. Negativity or worry creates panic, creating the symptoms, which prompt more negativity and so on. We need help clearing our minds. Instrumental music can help. Anything without lyrics will prevent your mind over-thinking. Words prompt us to relate to our own lives. Lyric-free music is relaxing and inspiring. I’m not suggesting you sit cross legged beneath a tree for hours because who has the time? Twenty minutes of ‘me time’ with some soothing music gives your brain a rest. If anything, it might prompt you to think about how the song makes you feel which in turn can help you get to the route of your anxiety. If you’re anything like me, you might come out the other side with a new novel idea!

  • Go Outside

Doctors have previously advised me that exercise, as well as cutting down on my caffeine intake and eating healthily can help anxiety. Going for a walk means you can exercise and stay busy, which keeps your mind from drifting and ruminating. You can also work off some of that tension and energy. If you like to go to the gym, do this with a friend to socialise and get a change of scenery.

  • Create Something.

I often find I need a project to keep my mind away from worrying. Arts and crafts, finding new hobbies and listening to friends talk about theirs often works for me. I like to hear about other people’s lives especially when I’m worrying about my own. Paint a picture using the colours that best represent you or your mood. Learn a repetitive craft like knitting. It’s a great form of self-therapy. I personally like to crochet and enjoy jigsaws. They keep me occupied.

  • Stay Busy.

When we’re alone and bored, our minds drift and we begin to think too deeply or worry unnecessarily. Go shopping with an aim to buy something you need (a task or a goal), meet your writing target (with a video or the radio on in the background) or clean the house. Introverts like to be alone, but don’t stay home because you’re afraid you’ll embarrass yourself. I’ve been there and you’ll feel ashamed and guilty. If you’re invited out with friends, go and be social for an hour or two. You can always thank the host and leave early if it gets too much but you might actually enjoy yourself. Laughter is good for you! Alternatively, plan ahead so you can find coping mechanisms for when your anxiety does strike at awkward times. You’ll be proud of yourself for battling through afterwards, and better off in the future for it. If you fight it off once, you can do it again, right?

Don’t Suffer Alone

It’s so important to remember that there are other people who suffer with anxiety. Everyone is eager to help and be helped in return, so don’t be afraid to reach out to professionals or friends and family. Give yourself a break, too. Anxiety isn’t an imaginary excuse not to go out with friends. It’s a real illness. However, you also need to think about those around you and how they feel and react to what you’re going through. By talking to those you love about your anxiety, they can better understand what to do in moments of panic. They will likely be worried and concerned.

It’s Happening Now, What Should I Do?

Ask yourself some questions.

Is this going to matter in 6 months time? Are you even going to remember what you were worried about if asked next week?

Let’s try something. If you’re a daily worrier, think back to this time last week and make a list of the things you were worried about. Still worried? Can’t actually remember any of them? Perhaps something still itches the back of your mind occasionally, but was it worth feeling sick or losing sleep over though? Exactly. Here’s a great example.

You’re at the airport. You’re going on holiday. Suddenly, as you’re getting on the plane, you have an awful feeling that you not only left your hair straighteners on, but you didn’t lock the door! You are going to get burgled and burn down the house. It will be your fault. You feel ill. You have to get off the plane now. Now! Think about this logically. Solutions?

  1. ) Call a family member or a friend with a key to check in on the house.
  2. ) If your house was going to burn down you’d know because I’m pretty sure it would already be on fire. Also, remind yourself that most straighteners these days have a timer, and if left unused for so long, they switch off on their own.
  3. ) If not and there is a risk, there’s not much you can do about it now. Worrying about it all holiday is not going to change the outcome but it will certainly ruin your time away. Worry about it when you have to (if you have to!). It’s cliché, but ‘cross that bridge if/ when you come to it’.
  4. )Accept that ‘shit happens’ and sometimes it happens to those with the best intentions and who make the innocent mistakes. We are all human. If you did forget to lock the door, were you the only person leaving at that time? Was the responsibility yours alone? Probably not.

Why Am I Anxious? How Can I Figure This Out Quickly?

I find that anxiety is usually focused around someone or something in particular. You need to get to the route of it. Dig deep and find the seed. Write down what is most important to you. What makes you who you are? These are core values. Now write down the last few things you seriously worried about. Why did you worry? What was the focus of the worry? What did you think might happen? Are there any similarities?

In the above example, you might find that your family is really important to you and you like to please them by being responsible. You’re afraid that something might get stolen that belongs to your child, or something sentimental. You’re now exposed and vulnerable.

From this we can identify your three values might be:

  • I like to be seen as responsible and reliable.
  • It’s important that people like me and approve of what I do.
  • My family is everything to me and I want them to be safe and happy.

The above fear strongly relates to all three of those values and it threatens them. This is why you feel anxious. This is why you are worrying and panicking over something that to others may not be such a big deal. If they are single and live with their parents, they may not have a house to worry about. They may not care what people think of them. But, I’ll bet they worry about things too!

Here are some other things to consider:

  • On a scale of one to ten how likely is this to happen? (Would you, the worrier, walk away from a door without checking it? Probably not. Trust yourself. You checked the house because you always do. You remember closing the door and you remember putting the key away. Would you really do this without turning it first?).
  • Is there another reason for this reaction? Do you have other things on your mind that have already heightened your anxiety? If you dealt with those first, would this seem less important?
  • If you are female, hormones at certain times of the month might be considered as a contributor.
  • Are you ill or recovering from an illness?
  • Have you recently gone through a big change in your life such as moving house?
  • Do you like to be in control and feel this control has been threatened?
  • Have you recently lost a loved one or are you leaving a loved one behind (separation/ divorce/ death/ travel etc)?
  • If you were to talk this through logically with somebody, would this help? Would your friend or relative want you to worry about something they can probably help you to fix quickly? Talk to them and see what happens.

Anxiety is unpleasant, but panic attacks can’t hurt you. They feel a lot worse than they are. Take some deep breaths, get some air or if your doctor feels it’s necessary, take some medication to ease it. Don’t feel ashamed or guilty for any of this. Learn how you react to certain situations and why. Get to know your body and your personality. Trust in your judgement and knowledge on the subject to guide you through anxiety attacks and remember that you are not alone.

You are strong and brave. You can do this because you’ve done it before.

Note I am not a medical professional, just a creative writer with past experience and tips to share. Please feel free to comment or join me on social media. I’d love to hear from you. If you want to check out my work, my links and details are below.

Rachael Hardcastle

Contact Me

Twitter: @ERHardcastle

Facebook: @ERHInspired

YouTube – Search E. Rachael Hardcastle

Website & Blog:

My books are available through Amazon and Barnes & Noble in various countries. Paperback and E-Book formats only.

Rainy Days and Help Needed

Rainy days are my best friend. I, actually, feel the best when it’s raining out. I can’t really tell you why but I think it’s because it feels fresh and clean, like it’s wiping away the bad that I’ve been feeling as of late. Maybe like the wet weather is giving me a chance to start over.

That being said, I know what it’s like to feel like you’re in a slump. I’m in one now.

I’m 30, no job experience, with frequent migraines that hinder me from doing many things. On top of crippling anxiety and depression that prevent me from going out. I fear doing anything new that I don’t WANT to do even though I KNOW I HAVE to do it to go forward.

I still have no license, which I know would improve my life drastically, no job which means no money or protection should something happen with the family I’m living with. No where to go with all of my things. Not even any more to store all the items I hold precious, like my books, should something happen and I end up in a homeless situation, which I PRAY never happens.

I know I need to make a difference, it’s just very challenging on trying to figure out HOW to do it.

My books get me along in these awful feelings and for that I am incredibly grateful to the art. I’m hoping to write my own as I have three, myself, that I am working on but they take time and effort and a settled mind. All in time which needs money and a job I can do so I have a platform to stand on and work comfortably.

So what do you do for a job which these similiar problems? Help a girl out?

Any advice in how to handle the worse days? I’m actually in need of my readers words today. lol.